Love Hurts

I'm a prisoner of my fears.
Bound in silence by my tears.
Trying to fight off my soul ties,
In the midst of the darkness my soul cries.
I am a soul whose intentions are good,
But years on years I've been misunderstood.
I'm tangled in spider webs.
Souls left behind in sex beds.
My right foot forward.
Stuck in mud I can't move onward.
I am the artist behind the masterpiece.
Lines drawn in a studio without a lease.
While love is a constant what if.
Crouching in shadows I sit.
Overtaken by heartbreak.
The feelings I share are mistakes.
I'm drowning in the rivers that collected my tears.
Streams had turned to rivers after all those years.
Now here I stand broken hearted.
Back at the place I first started.
Promising myself yet again not to fall in love when it hurts so bad.




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Change

Change is inevitable but we fear it just the same. The last 6 months of my life have been full of change that I honestly didn't know how to deal with at first. Today I realized that the changes in my life were needed for another phase of growth. If I hadn't experienced those changes I would be in the same postion as May. Today I stand tall with my back straight and locs hanging. I'm gon' change the world because I believe in the change in me. I've always feared change because I didn't understand change. Change isn't  fully controlled by one person. But change is a ripple affect of actions with consequences. How we deal with change is what makes us grow.

There Was A Child Went Forth

There was a child went forth every day;
And the first object she saw she became;
And that object became part of her for the day, or a certain part of the day, or many years, or stretching cycles of years.

The beautiful sound of music was heard by this child. The different voices spoke from objects all around her. The songs the birds sang; the rhythmic beat of the grasshoppers. The music that rang out of th radios. The sweet melody of Jazz, the spoken word of Hip Hop, the good 'ole Blues became part of this child.

My grandfather and grandmother were my mother and father. Raising a younf child destined to be somene. Each gray hair upon there head revealed years of wisdom and truth poured into the mind of this child.

Elementary school came and went. Becoming best buddies with my classmates. Not a care in the world; except what time lunch and recess started. Starting with ABC's, 123's then advancing to addition and subtraction. Learning concepts to prepare for life became apart of this child.

The naptimes, storytimes, and building blocks were all gone. It was time to get serious now that middle school had started. The intensity picked up as work begun to get harder. But the fun never left, as the child continued to learn and grow. As quick as she had started, Middle school was over. All she had were the memories which became a part of the child.

Four years left of school, such a long time. Well atleast that's what I thought when I started. Being a student athlete and a member of the band made it all go by so quick. She turned around one day and was no longer a freshman but a senior ready to graduate. She had learned how quickly time flew and to be responsible for her own actions; this became a part or the child.

The streets themselves, and the facades of houses, the goods in the windows, vehicles, teams, the heavy plank'd wharves- the huge crossing at the ferries.
The village on the highland, seen from afar as sunset- the river between, shadoss, aureola and mist, the light falling on roofs and gables of white brown, three miles off, the schooner near by, sleepily drooping down the tide- the little boat slack tow'd astern, the hurrying tumbling waves, quick- broken crests, slapping, the strata of color'd clouds, the long bar of maroon- tint, away solitary by itself- the spread of Purity it lies motionless in, the horizon's edge, the flying sea cow, the fragance of salt marsh and shore mud; these became part of that child who went forth, everyday, and now who now goes, and will always go forth everyday.

That child who went forth and became an adult. Educated. Black. Woman. Blinded from the start. But who knows what lies were told when she set out for the truth. Discovering her INNER G, her torn and broken ROOTS. A degree just allowed her to be slightly different but still bound. Her rose grew from more than concrete, on stolen, blood stained ground. She was a child who went forth, but became a woman wondering why? Her history was trickery, indeed she had lived a lie. So  she began to unlearn and relearn. It all started with her perm. Her locs and nature begun to become a part of this woman.....
The child who went forth...

Faith.Hope.Love. #Healing

Letter to a wiser me.

June 15, 2012

Dear Wiser Me,

I hope this letter reaches you in the land of accomplishments, dreams fulfilled and love. I hope your "inner G" become so strong that everyone can feel your energy. But enough about hopes.

Wiser me, I know you've grown so far from there. Stop looking in your rear view. Your drive in life is forward. No need to look back. Just remember the words of the friends who humbled you. Remember that family is important and life is short. Wake up everyday thankful for the people around you. Don't forget the journey and acknowledge your failures. Break free of the issues and don't let them haunt you. Abandonment, trust and commitment issues should be in your rear view. Love and positivity is before you, roll your windows down and enjoy it.

Your teaching now and don't you forget the ones who supported that journey. More importantly, you see those desks in your classroom? You sat there once! Be nice! Still soft spoken Wiser Me? Remember Love Vs. Logic and all children can learn.

I know you've probably left America by now but you better be calling your mama, your siblings, and your close friends regularly! Don't make me time travel and body slam you!! Love them more and more each day.

Wiser Me now listen closely. I hope your not giving "him" the run around. You should have left your mind games in college. Let "him" know you love him.

Finally, Wiser Me....God is your hope, dreams, love. Continue to grow in Him and love thy neighbor.

Love,

Fatimah