The Black Isle

Two weeks ago before getting my hair done I stopped in Walmart to grab some shampoo and conditioner. I enjoy the wonderful scent of shampoos and conditioners that have oils such as Jojoba , coconut and olive. The shampoo and conditioner that I have grown faithful to is Optimum Oil Therapy. After searching the isles up and down I realize that Walmart didn't have my shampoo. I was quite upset and left. During my drive home I contemplated stopping at Kroger but felt too tired to make another stop.

The next day I ended up washing my hair with the last bit of shampoo and conditioner that I had and went on my way. Today before getting my hair done I realized that I had never purchased new shampoo or conditioner. Instead of going into Walmart I stopped in Sally's knowing they would have my shampoo and conditioner...they didn't. But while there I noticed something I had overlooked before. There was a separation of hair care products when it came to the shampoo and conditioner. In the front isle there was a long wall of products that I knew weren't for my hair and in a separate isle their were shampoos and conditioners for black men and women's hair. This isle also included oils and cream relaxers. In my disappointment I wondered why all of the shampoo and conditioners couldn't be put together. After all if I see a sign that says Shampoo/Conditioner I would immediately think the shampoo I used was in that isle and not some separate isle.

After leaving Sally's I made yet another discovery in Walmart. The hair care products were divided similarly. Something inside of me told me to check the following isle that had all of the hair care products. And what do you know. My Optimum Oil Therapy could be found along with relaxers and oils.

These discoveries were made in the suburban neighborhood of Reynoldsburg. I'm not sure if other Walmarts and Sally's are set of the same. Take it as you may.

~God Bless~

Educating The Killer to be a lawyer...doctor....President if he decides!!

I find it hard to log into facebook anymore. Every news feed seems to contain a "R.I.P" message dedicated people who have died. When I see these statuses I feel the need to dig a little deeper into the cause of death. I normally gasp for air when I see that these people have been murdered. It's one thing to hear about a death but even tougher to know that someone willingly took the life of someone else.

Everyday closer to my degree in education is a breath of fresh air. I continuously play with the thought that I could be a super teacher and save future children from dying. I see the education of people as a whole as an opportunity to help the world or at least save a life. A lot of young people have died over the years due to crimes in the neighborhood. Many people may look at is as niggas killing niggas, thugs killing thugs and so on. But in my eyes its doctors killing lawyers, preachers killing teachers, the cure to cancer killing the cure to AIDS!

Truth be told our black children are expected to only make it from their front door to the corner. But this reality can be stopped with more positive role models, more mentors and best of all more black educators. The problem exists that black children are being given up on before they reach the age of ten. We see troubled children and leave them in their trouble instead of grasping a piece of their reality. In the present school system a child's teacher may not be able to relate to the problems in a black home. So at times the sign of child just needing someone who cares about their success is ignored because the child is considered the worst kid in the classroom.

Hearing news of killings in the neighborhood furthers my quest to educate. I'll reach this beginning of this journey soon. I just wish I could pause time to reach it and prevent the doctor from killing the lawyer.

Its Been a long time...

Its been a while since I last blogged. I find myself at the close of my junior year with a lot of thoughts rushing through my mind......I stop a pause! I realize a majority of what I worry about is pointless. But then again I often forget to push my worries to the side. Oh well.

Junior Year...most common thought this year was Eyes Wide Open. I used this and tweeted this so much because it has been indeed an eye opening school year for me. I have grown to understand my biggest flaws and realized there's one hell of a journey ahead of me. I see the struggle of this school year as preparation for something major. I guess I'm currently awaiting this great opportunity or test to reveal itself. But then again I wonder if I've already faced it.....pause to collect thoughts .....and I realize I have......indeed.....

Staring out the window

Staring out the window as far as my eyes can see.
Drug Dealers, crackheads, pregnant girls all a epitome of what could have been me.
I know these people all to well
Because underneath this soft shell
Lives a kids who has seen it all
Sat and watched my friends and family fall
Victim to these streets we walk
Murdered by statistic talk
They believed what was told to them..."never make it out this hood"
Now I sit and look at them their all up to no good

....I Sit here and breath. What I see is hard to believe. Yesterdays doctors and lawyers are all out there. But they forgot there dreams and got stuck somewhere between dreams and reality. Now there just a product of their enviornment.Or more so they use the products of their enviornment.

The sun has set now. But there still out there. There next high is more important then rest or the fact that cold chill of night time has come with a shadow. I wonder if they acknowledge this shadow. Or if they know the difference between the shadow of cold and the shadow of death. Or if they even care.

Gods Favor

..."LOVE is patient, caring, LOVE is kind, LOVE is felt most when it's genuine, but I've had my share of love abuse, manipulated and it's strength misused..." -Hezekiah Walker

This blog is inspired by the power of prayer. I realize how struggle with dealing with peoples problems like their my own. But now that I think about it I've just learn to call on the name of God more in trials. I think I've prayed for my friends lately more than I've prayed for myself. I guess its just my character. Still I answer the question why a lot! I arrive at roads I'm scared to move across more often than none lately. I realize I carry other peoples burdens stronger than I carry my own. But i also realize that through the years God has built me strong to face their problems as well as my own. I understand my friends more...but I think don't realize how much I understand their circumstances and how their problems taught me how to pray. Something that hasn't always been the easiest thing for me to do! But now I understand! I thank God for the prayers he heard and answered! I'm thankful for understanding my friends and family and being able to cry tears in prayer for them. God does favor me in spite of my personal struggles...and I'm glad to say that God has been good to me!
'

Random Thoughts from a Random Person...uhhh me!

So i did one blog about 20 minutes ago...but there's so much more stored inside of me...so

1. I'm fed up with the "thug mentality" on my campus? Sometimes it makes me feel like I picked the wrong University....but I know better than that! Oh how I love my K-State! I just wish more people would realize the opportunity they have and calm down. I heard in a sermon that the cemetery is the richest place on earth. And indeed it is! Just think about how many people died without releasing the song they had stored in their hearts. How many artists never drew the picture they always envisioned and how many scientists never revealed their discoveries. I look at the students who attend my University the same. So much knowledge walks around this campus. But the main concern doesn't seem to be around exposing it but instead about what city your from and who's screwing who. #EpicFail
2. Beauty- in my words a value that can not be found, what everyone possesses and the most misunderstood term in history. I wish more young ladies across this campus would relate. Instead beauty is what they wait for guys to tell them.
3. KSU- I realized how in love I am with this school yesterday. Yes it has many ups and downs...but I love this place! I wouldn't trade the experience for anything. The friends, the memories and the future! How I love my KState! I had a first hand experience a student disrespecting the University just yesterday! I realized that I am both nuts and in love with this place. Forget all you who hate it here and wish to transfer. Bye!
4. Lifes Journey=Weird I can't even describe what the heck is going on in my life right now. Random outbursts, extreme sarcasm, fear of failure, the pursuit of happiness and love. All of this going on at once is troublesome at times. I'm not sure how everything arrived at once but I guess I'm experiencing my almost 21 life crisis. Yep I said it. Almost 21 life crisis....praying that I make it to my birthday without an emotional breakdown.
5. Love - I guess I have to put this one in here. My current situation is awkward to say the least. I find myself in the situation of being emotionally attracted to two guys at once. I realize that battling an emotional love life is hazardous to my academics so I'm going back to step one. Hi, My name is Fatimah....Fatimah Shabazz.
6. Friendship- I don't know who is who anymore. There's some snakes in the grass though. Then there's those friends with burdens that I'm trying to help carry. Sometime I want to remind them that I'm not God, but then I realize may have placed me in their lives for guidance or at least to be there leader. We lack these type of people now days.
7. Pain- everyday is pain ...everyday is rain. Don't mean to sound so emotional....but my Sunshine's always consist of a cloud or two. It reminds me that this thing called life isn't meant to be perfect. But mostly we have to shed tears some time.
8. The Next Chapter- there's a part of my life that I wonder if it will ever exist. I want it so bad...but lately I seem like a human rope being tugged back and forth between decisions and understanding!

Beautiful Flower

Beauty was her name
Until she stood at the fork in the world and chose fame
Stuck with the thought she had no beauty
Forgetting her beauty more powerful than a star gate lily
She chose to be a rose because of its outside appeal
But outside beauty couldn't measure to the lies when time stood still
feelings scrambled
her life in shambles
or at least that's what she told me

Inside her are hidden dreams
her heart is river of sadness and streams
Stuck at a stand still she keeps giving up
How can her friends help her ...if she don't give a fuck
she's out here grinding...or at least that's what she's telling them
inside she's really dieing....because giving up has become her best friend
she said she's going to work it out...or at least that's what she told me

Poetic Injustice

The hearts definition of love is sweetness
minds surrounded by weakeness
love never gaurenteed understanding
just blind lies from constant planning

Spirit weak emotionally
built from brokeness we stare blankingly
love never gaurenteed

Random Blog

Sometimes i wanna be my friends umbrella when the rain is pouring....but its hard trying to lead and guide when there playing in storms...

Theres times I want to always be there for every tear shed....every heartache and heart break...but I can't when cold shoulders push me away....

I want to tell you to stop looking to others for your beauty....man is not a mirror.....and there thoughts are not your reflection.....

Sometimes I just stop and bow my head....prayer seems to be my only understanding these days....

Theres times I only pray for you....because I know life has been a battle scene....

I want to tell you everything....but what there is ....lies more within...

Sometimes I wish I spill the beans....holding back makes me a terrible friend....for there's times I should have told you hell no....what the fuck are you doing....and so so....but now all I can tell you is good luck...you my friend have messed up....but who am I to judge your judement....

5 Double Shots of Life

1. Friends tend to be enemies in disguise. So over the years I have learned the hard way to keep these numbers small. I make this the 1st shot of life because these people I have acknowledged as friends have screwed me over in more ways then one. I need to work on recognizing people who aren't healthy additions to my life and future. But that's far from an easy task.

2. Family Shot 2 stronger than the first and here begins the drunkenness. I have never really known the true definition of this. I see on television where families go on vacation and have family reunions and everybody keeps in touch. In the words of my teammates......"Where they do that at?" My family is larger but typically the ones I'm close to are that raised me. I find myself jealous of people who talk about hanging out with their siblings and having family reunions every couple summers. My family has never had that and I've never been able to enjoy the company of all my siblings at once. It low key hurts but that's the way the cookie crumbles..

3.Failure- This shot is the like the shot that will either end your night or build your tolerance. Failure has done both to me. At times I have felt that I had failed my self and their was no coming back from the hole I had dug myself. In the midst of my trials I learned that failure is a option. Opposite of the common quote that people call themselves living by at times. I learned this from one of my inspirations and never completely understood the power of the quote until I found myself feeling like a failure in college. In the beginning of my collegiate journey I found myself wondering what I was doing in college. I thought that I couldn't possibly be in the right place. Maybe I was only in college because it sounded good to tell people I attended a University. It all sounded good until I thought about my situation and realized I am the key to my future and everything that I did was a result of me, the words I spoke the actions I did and how I played the cards that were dealt to me. Thank God for my inspiration L'Tanya Lemon who taught me that "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail." Learning these words as a young teen was only the beginning. Facing life's trials showed me how I was the "master of my fate" and failure was and will always be an option if I show not to give me all. Thank Ms. Lemon~ August 8, 1949~ November 23, 2006

4.Critics this shot of life sits in a shot glass made of rust with a serving of ground glass. Or at least that's what it appears when seen. Criticism is healthy for the molding of our lives. But it always seems like my critics only want to hurt me instead of help me. Criticism is another part of life I have had to take and run with. But I have learned all criticism isn't good criticism and some people are really coming at you to disrespect you. My most recent dosage of criticism was spoken to me telling that I was a garbage athlete. The author if this criticism is well thanked for the words he gave me or more so texted me. I really appreciate a this form a criticism I receive it every now and again and love it. It reminds me of every person who ever told me I couldn't accomplish a trial in my life! Now on to the next one.

5.Dreams are the final shot which is suppose to make me fall to my knees. This shot has seemed like more than I can handle. In this Shot lies a mixture of every shot taken and then some. My dreams are only for me to understand because only I can live them. The end result may be victory if I don't overwhelm myself with the search of success. The road to my dreams throws humps of defeat to break me down and I accept it thinking I must allow myself to be broken to be built back up. Thank God I've grown since the beginning of my journey. I've learned you can't rebuild which is not complete. A shot a dreams is never ending high in which we learn to push for more than we could have ever imagined to come true.


10 total shots of life taken standing. Because sitting down in life never took anyone no where besides the men and women in the civil rights movement. I learn through these shots I take every day that the effects of life can be harmful, but only if we allow it.

The Point Of It All/There's Hope

Well my blogs I guess will mostly be based around song titles. So today's blog is entitled "The Point Of It All" As of now I'm not sure if this will be a regular blog or another poetry entry. Maybe I'll give you a little bit of both. Lets see what happens........

In my own thoughts I realize I never finished my "There Hope" blog. So I think I will tie the blog together. There's Hope was originally created for a couple of my friends that I realized were going through different personal problems. I dedicated the blog to those friends but got too tied up in my own current problems.

So finally....There's Hope!! Hope because without out it we would all be insane. Hope because our understanding of life is based off the hope that there's an after life. And finally hope because in my own words, "There's always HOPE..when you DREAM and BELIEVE!"

Hope to me is the belief that when all else fails you must be patient with the circumstance you are facing. Surrounded by hope lies faith, prayer and wisdom. As humans we lose sight of many things in life because we lack this four letter word. We give up so easily when life sends us on a roller coaster to hell to and back! But we're only human, so when we are faced with life trials we forget first and foremost to guard our hearts with faith. We forget that most circumstances no matter there outcome builds us into stronger men and women despite the tears and fears we face. We were never guaranteed perfect lives so we must understand that every aspect of life is a growing experience and from this we lead hope driven lives.


Hope is not a tear and far from a fear
Hope is what lies inside when no one else is near
Hope is the understanding that life is a seed
Hope is the understanding that every seed has needs
Hope is faith driven by prayer for change
Hope is what keeps sane people from going deranged

Dreams are whats produced when only we believe
Dreams are what sometimes no one else can see
Dreams are what we carry every minute of the day
Dreams are what we accomplish meaning when we pray



And well readers this is the point of it all! I guess next blog will actually entitled "The Point of All"

Poetry Of A Dying Heart

Drowning
Drowning in a puddle constucted of tears
Burning
Burning in a house engulfed in fears

Death of a spirit built to manifest in hope
Nothing left, similar to a city ruined from dope
Death of soul no longer yearning
Nothing left, but deep emotions churning
Tears of saddness belonging to broken souls
Surrounded by critics thrashing dreams with poles
Enemies breaking down creations
Tears ring from a distance with screaming vibrations

What will come of thee?
For nothingness is what lies inside of me
See the verdicts of my nightmares
Why so deep I lay in dispair
All because life was never fair
In my eyes you may gaze and stare

There's Hope

Hebrews 11:1-3 "Now Faith is the Substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. For by the elders obtained a good testimony. By faith we understand that the world were framed by the word of God, so that the things which are seen were not made of things which are visible."

"Hope" = Greek word, pistis, which means to have an expectancy in God

The way its looking so far a majority of my first couple blogs will deal with India Arie songs. Her songs just speak profound words that for some reason alway deal with my current situations. I chose "There's Hope" for todays blog for many different reasons. I have quite a few friends going through life struggles right now and in the midst of there trials I try to remind them that there's hope. I am no bible scholar...actually i'm far from it. But like certain songs scriptures stick out to me.

When I myseld think of "Hope" I think of my life struggle. Inside of me is a child still waiting to play with the neighborhood kids, but I have already been forced to grow up and see the world. My understanding of lifes trials seemed to come to early. I faced it all as a child and as much as my family tried to hide it...well I still understood. I think my biggest trial thus far is my mother. Few people know my mother has been on drugs pretty much all my life, and she has had a few mental problems. I have reached the point in my life where I don't want to really even communicate much with her as she continues to throw her life away. I find myself jealous of the drugs that my mother has used...for the simple reason that they have been in her life more then she's been in mine. As I think of my mother constantly everyday I have to remind myself of hope.

When I think of how I place hope into definition of my own I believe its understanding and faith. The problem is I have lost faith over the years in the woman who gave birth to me...and its something that may never be built back up. I know hope is building stronger inside of me.... but I think I rather give hope to people than use my own...i'm going to work on it!!

Well I have writers block! I will have to make a part II of this blog. I have so much more to say!

Strength, Courage and Wisdom

As people we degrade each other as if we were God ourselves. Funny how some people don't understand the words they speak and the effects they have on people. I had my craft disrespected a few days ago and the person probably has no idea how much they pissed me off. But before I reacted inappropriately I gathered my thoughts and ignored the comment.
From this situation I name my first blog Strength, Courage and Wisdom. A song written by India Arie in which she says Strength, Courage and Wisdom...it has been inside of me all along. I sat and listened to this song for the first time yesterday and have fallen in love with it. It speaks volumes when I compare it to my life. I always thought I lacked courage as a child and even in my adult life. My biggest fear lies in getting in front of people and speaking. I've found my face flushed with nervousness and bright red from the fear of speaking in front of people. What I have found now is that the courage to speak lies inside of me. I have always had the art of expression inside of me I just never realized that I could do what I fear.
Wisdom.... I am twenty years young but compare my thoughts and ideas to those who have lived before and those who will live after me. I compare my thoughts to the greatest philosphers acknowledging the fact that I may never go down in history like these philosophers but at least all my inner thoughts won't be buried with me and never be revealed. So I give honor to this blog and thanks to Ciara Pierce whose wisdom I have admired for a couple years now. She is the reason I finally stepped out to do this blog.
Finally strength! I didn't know I possessed my strength until my Junior year of high school when my Grandmother passed away. Inside I knew my life was over. I crashed down and tumbled in grief, but then realized my grandmother had not raised me to be any less than great. Understanding my grandmothers death was point in my life for me to grow helped me realize that I had crashed down...and I had tumbled but I couldn't let lifes hurdles make me crumble. While fear stood in my heart I still grew through my experience and found that my strength was own backbone when no hope was left.
So here I sit a Junior in college through the grace of God, family and friends and the discovery of my own Strength, Courage and Wisdom.


Thanks for reading my blog!!