Change

Change is inevitable but we fear it just the same. The last 6 months of my life have been full of change that I honestly didn't know how to deal with at first. Today I realized that the changes in my life were needed for another phase of growth. If I hadn't experienced those changes I would be in the same postion as May. Today I stand tall with my back straight and locs hanging. I'm gon' change the world because I believe in the change in me. I've always feared change because I didn't understand change. Change isn't  fully controlled by one person. But change is a ripple affect of actions with consequences. How we deal with change is what makes us grow.

There Was A Child Went Forth

There was a child went forth every day;
And the first object she saw she became;
And that object became part of her for the day, or a certain part of the day, or many years, or stretching cycles of years.

The beautiful sound of music was heard by this child. The different voices spoke from objects all around her. The songs the birds sang; the rhythmic beat of the grasshoppers. The music that rang out of th radios. The sweet melody of Jazz, the spoken word of Hip Hop, the good 'ole Blues became part of this child.

My grandfather and grandmother were my mother and father. Raising a younf child destined to be somene. Each gray hair upon there head revealed years of wisdom and truth poured into the mind of this child.

Elementary school came and went. Becoming best buddies with my classmates. Not a care in the world; except what time lunch and recess started. Starting with ABC's, 123's then advancing to addition and subtraction. Learning concepts to prepare for life became apart of this child.

The naptimes, storytimes, and building blocks were all gone. It was time to get serious now that middle school had started. The intensity picked up as work begun to get harder. But the fun never left, as the child continued to learn and grow. As quick as she had started, Middle school was over. All she had were the memories which became a part of the child.

Four years left of school, such a long time. Well atleast that's what I thought when I started. Being a student athlete and a member of the band made it all go by so quick. She turned around one day and was no longer a freshman but a senior ready to graduate. She had learned how quickly time flew and to be responsible for her own actions; this became a part or the child.

The streets themselves, and the facades of houses, the goods in the windows, vehicles, teams, the heavy plank'd wharves- the huge crossing at the ferries.
The village on the highland, seen from afar as sunset- the river between, shadoss, aureola and mist, the light falling on roofs and gables of white brown, three miles off, the schooner near by, sleepily drooping down the tide- the little boat slack tow'd astern, the hurrying tumbling waves, quick- broken crests, slapping, the strata of color'd clouds, the long bar of maroon- tint, away solitary by itself- the spread of Purity it lies motionless in, the horizon's edge, the flying sea cow, the fragance of salt marsh and shore mud; these became part of that child who went forth, everyday, and now who now goes, and will always go forth everyday.

That child who went forth and became an adult. Educated. Black. Woman. Blinded from the start. But who knows what lies were told when she set out for the truth. Discovering her INNER G, her torn and broken ROOTS. A degree just allowed her to be slightly different but still bound. Her rose grew from more than concrete, on stolen, blood stained ground. She was a child who went forth, but became a woman wondering why? Her history was trickery, indeed she had lived a lie. So  she began to unlearn and relearn. It all started with her perm. Her locs and nature begun to become a part of this woman.....
The child who went forth...

Faith.Hope.Love. #Healing

Letter to a wiser me.

June 15, 2012

Dear Wiser Me,

I hope this letter reaches you in the land of accomplishments, dreams fulfilled and love. I hope your "inner G" become so strong that everyone can feel your energy. But enough about hopes.

Wiser me, I know you've grown so far from there. Stop looking in your rear view. Your drive in life is forward. No need to look back. Just remember the words of the friends who humbled you. Remember that family is important and life is short. Wake up everyday thankful for the people around you. Don't forget the journey and acknowledge your failures. Break free of the issues and don't let them haunt you. Abandonment, trust and commitment issues should be in your rear view. Love and positivity is before you, roll your windows down and enjoy it.

Your teaching now and don't you forget the ones who supported that journey. More importantly, you see those desks in your classroom? You sat there once! Be nice! Still soft spoken Wiser Me? Remember Love Vs. Logic and all children can learn.

I know you've probably left America by now but you better be calling your mama, your siblings, and your close friends regularly! Don't make me time travel and body slam you!! Love them more and more each day.

Wiser Me now listen closely. I hope your not giving "him" the run around. You should have left your mind games in college. Let "him" know you love him.

Finally, Wiser Me....God is your hope, dreams, love. Continue to grow in Him and love thy neighbor.

Love,

Fatimah

The locs. All natural. No dye. No rinse. Just touched by the sun.

Different paths

Growing up we make friends and utter the phrase "best friends for life" we think as 7 and 8 year olds that every friend we meet will be our friend forever. Some of us are lucky to keep any friend that long while some soon discover how temporary those friendships are. We get to middle school same thought process and even when we arrive to high school where we have more communication .... We think finally a friend forever. But how many people have kept all those friends since then. How many of those friends have actually stayed loyal to us? Checked on us? Called us when loved ones passed away? In my case I don't think I have too many friendships that have survived over the years. I could be hurt but as I sit here and type this I'm good. The cool thing about all those friendships was the learning experience. I learned how to be a better friend over the years and once I arrived as a young college kid I learned to be more open to differences and opinions. I developed lifetime relationships with people who I know have my best interest in mind. I'm forever thankful for my friendships and I truly love my friends that i acknowledge as my true pals. Thank you Mo, Tone, Jonaz, Eb and Brandon

Life is full of constant learning.
We see the light at the end of the tunnel but close our eyes.
We know what's best for us but choose otherwise.
When we finally learn sometimes its too late.
Funny how mistakes can determine our fate.
Missed oppurtunities and crushed dreams.
People swim in rivers of saddness from their tear streams.

Life is full of constant learning.
Smile a little, your joys within.
Speak life on yourself, lifes is full of change don't give in.
And when life get hard as it sometimes will.
Keep your poker face despite the deal.
Happiness is the courage to face your fears.
Joy is prevailing in spite of your tears.

Love is patient, love is kind.
Heart to heart, love is a slow wind.
Love is a never ending journey.
At times ending with broken hearts and mourning.
Love is happiness and hope.
Love is encouragement when your at the end of your rope.
Life....is full of constant.......learning....

The Apology

Sorry.
Everything I've ever done.
Every fear that I've hid from.
Sorry.
Life has been a movie and I'm the musical director.
Hopefully when I fall asleep God looks at me and says, "Angels protect her".
Sorry.
I'm a little lost in thoughts.
All my nightmares surround my faults.
Sorry.
Nothing more stronger than I apologize.
One wrong move and they plan your demise.
Sorry.

More Flowers...

Tears never wiped and hugs never given.
A pinch to your skin to know you're still living.
Emotions bottled and tossed into the sea.
If I leave your side will you cry for me?

Distant but always by your side.
My soul felt your pain everytime you cried.
Your open wounds just like my open wounds.
Similar life stories told in different rooms.

Secrets shared and life stories compared.
Silence swore,unspoken unfair.
But I couldn't leave the conversation to stay right there.
I had to tell one person as the agony pulled at my hair...

Time stopped and I cried tears to God.
Prayers flooding my heart with every breath of my sobs.
On the outside I'm thinking..
But on the inside I'm sinking.

Then that whisper in my ear.
Telling me to be strong to comfort their fear.
The whisper saying they trust you...so always be there.
Don't worry if your responses don't always seem fair.

The final whisper said...more flowers Fatimah...more flowers
No more weeds in your life....just flowers....